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Bob Thomas




Good Morning

What awakens you in the morning? I’m not a morning person……not now......nor ever have been. So getting up in the morning is not one of my favorite things to do. What’s interesting is when I do, I usually do it without much effort. I just get up and go about doing what needs to be done. Of course, I’m complaining and grumbling every step of the way. Most of the time, I utilize a clock radio; however, usually I wake up just prior to the time the clock radio goes off.  I guess you could say I have a built in clock that awakens me and the clock radio is my backup.  I've always had that built in clock even though sometimes I ignore it.  I also have a built in snooze alarm. The only problem is my built in snooze alarm doesn’t always go off in ten minute intervals.  It’s more like intervals of an hour.  So that’s why I have the clock radio as backup.  When I was a kid, my alarm clock was my mom.  She would call upstairs and say, “it’s time to get up baby”…………that would be the first time.  The next time I’d hear……”Are you up?”  My answer, of course, would be “Yes” even though I wasn’t.  The final call would be, “Don’t make me come up there and get you out of that bed boy.”  Once I heard that, I’d be up and at ‘em……cuz you didn’t want Mrs. Thomas coming to get you out of the bed.  My mom was innovative.  She’d get you up with one swing of a belt, or pour some water on you or (the worst) was to just stand over you with her arms folded saying you got five seconds to get outta that bed.  Ya think I wasn’t up in 2 ……who da fool…not me.  While in college, I had no problem getting up in the morning…….that’s cuz I didn’t do it.  I never went to breakfast (my roommate did, so I’d tell him to bring me one of those little boxes of cereal….and he did.......at first…...till he caught on, then he’d say get yo lazy #$%! up and git it yo'self) and I made sure my classes didn’t start till at least ten.  Problem solved.  Being in the military; however, did present a problem.  Because all the military does is awaken early in the morning.  So what I did was buy an expensive stereo system (while I was stationed in Germany) with a remote timer.  I’d turn the volume on the stereo up loud and I kept the stereo in another room.  So when the timer turned the system on at “oh dark thirty”, I’d have to get up, walk to the other room to turn the volume down or the system off.  Ok, but now, I’m up, so might as well keep on moving.  Everybody has their own method to the madness.  How do you awaken yourself in the morning?  My wife sets the clock radio ahead an hour, puts the volume on rock concert level, then hits the snooze button 6 times before getting up (that’s overkill) and will still be late for work.  I have a friend who gets up and sticks his head in the freezer for about a minute.  Another friend gets cold water from the refrigerator and pours it over his head (been doing the ice bucket challenge all his life).  And still another friend’s dog gets her up by licking her face (I don’t know bout that.....dogs like to lick....whatever....my face cannot and will not be included in "whatever"). Here’s a good one…..a friend programs her TV (the fact that she can program her TV deserves an award) and when she hears a strange man’s voice coming from the living room area, she automatically gets up to investigate, usually with a snub nose 32. Say What?!? (don’t think the wife & I will spend the night over there). But hey, whatever works for you. Personally, I’m glad I don’t have to awaken at an early hour on a consistent basis. Usually, I’ll awaken around 8am, lie there listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show until 9am, then turn on the TV to catch NCIS or Andy Griffith or the new and finally arise around 10am, bright eyed and bushy tailed……..hey, it works for me.  I hope your solution works for you.

Bob
 
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Top 10 Ways to Get A "RAISE"

Ok folks, here's a blog that was first published July 2010.  Back by popular demand........
Lots of people would like to get a "RAISE" but just don’t know how to go about it.  So, I’m here to help.  Just for you, the top ten ways to get a "RAISE."
Number 10 – Wear elevated shoes.
Number 9  -   Sit on a inflatable tube and blow
Number 8 -    Get in a hot air balloon and look down as you go up
Number 7 -   Climb a tree, ladder or stairs while your friend stays on                         the ground
Number 6 -   Ride an express elevator or a slow escalator
Number 5 -   Stay in your car while it’s on a lift getting an oil change
Number 4 -   Walk on your tippy toes.
Number 3 -   Jump on a trampoline or pogo stick.
Number 2 -   Get a job in the shipyard as a crane operator

And the number one way to get a "RAISE":
For men – Watch porn
For women – Implants
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The Generation Gap?!?

I was getting a haircut recently and my barber was talking about how excited he was to see New Edition (group was performing in the area).  His son (a sophomore in college) remarked, “Dad, you always wanna see those old school performers.”  His statement caught my attention because I didn’t consider New Edition to be old school.  So I said, “If New Edition is old school, then what are the performers I consider to be old school?”
 
Him:   “Like whom?” ( whom? told you he was in college) 
 
Me:   “Well, The Whispers, Stephanie Mills, Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin,
Maze, Patti Labelle, Earth, Wind & Fire, Charlie Wilson, just to name a few.” 
 
Him:  “Oh, they’re classics.” 
 
Me: “Alright now, MY music is classic music.”
 
Him:  “Yeah, that’s a LOT older than old school.” 
 
Me:  “Why, you little…….”
 
Last week, while doing a remote broadcast, I registered people to win two tickets to the 957 RnB Soul Music Fest, Nov 1st, at the Hampton Coliseum.   I was informing them that it would feature performances from The Whispers, Stephanie Mills, Mint Condition….before I could finish, I noticed this blank look on some of their faces (the young people).  So I asked, “you’ve heard of The Whispers right?”
 
Young uns:  No
 
Me:  How about Stephanie Mills?
 
Young uns:  Ummmmmm, nope.
 
Me:  Mint Condition?
 
1 Young un:  I think my Momma might know ‘em. 
 
Me:  How old are y’all?
 
Young uns:  20, 19, 21, 23.
 
Me:  Well, have y’all ever heard of Chrisette Michelle?
 
Young uns:  A resounding and unified….. “YES!”
 
Now, they’re all excited and ready to register to win the tickets.  Then a young woman said to me, “Have you ever heard of Chief Keef?
 
Me:  Ain’t that the name of the Washington DC football team mascot?
 
Her:  “Nope, how bout Shaggy?”
 
Me:  “Fo’sho, he works at our sister station ….. Z104.
 
Her:  “What?  No sir. (so polite … I loved it) You ever heard of Nappy Roots?”
 
Me:  “Aw your hair doesn’t look that bad, just a little touch up will do.”
 
Her:  (with a deep sigh) “You’re hilarious.  Maybe you’ve heard of 50 cent?”
 
Me:  “Word, I’m hip to the hop you don’t stop.  I know all about fiddy cent, 2 Chainz, Fat Boys, Kool Mo Dee, Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five, MC Lyte, Rapper’s Delight….. how it go….hotel, motel, holiday inn…
 
(It was about that time, I noticed that blank look on her face again)
 
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Bob Thomas interviews Dr. Dennis Kimbro (author of The Wealth Choice)

Meet and hear Dr. Kimbro at Africana 2013, Friday, August 23, 2013 at The Sheraton Oceanfront, 1 - 3 p.m., for an Entrepreneurs Roundtable.  Be apart of a discussion of the “inside” Do’s and Dont’s from some of America’s most successful African American business people.
 
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Bob Thomas interviews John Legend at BET Awards 2013

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Bob Thomas interviews Lyfe Jennings at the BET Awards 2013

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Bob Thomas interviews Elle Varner at BET Awards 2013

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Bob Thomas interviews Coco Jones at BET Awards 2013

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Tis the Season


Well, it’s that time of year, the Season of Giving.  Unfortunately, seems like receiving has precedence over giving.  There’s so much junk out there, all in the name of turning a buck.  One of the old favorites that shows up every year around this time is …..The Chia Pet!  There are so many chias it’s crazy. There are chia people and now chia animals.  The people grow chia hair and the animals grow chia fur.  Chia lamb, chia kitty, chia dog, chia rat, chia roach…..well, maybe not rat and roach but seems like everything else.  Have you ever got a Chia Pet for Christmas?  No? Well somebody has cause they keep coming back.  Herpes recurs  less.

Here’s a new one… the Stretch Genie.  It’ll stretch your shoes if they’re too tight.  Stretch them from a B to a C or a C to a D.  Just spray it in the shoe and leave it overnight.  Next morning PERFECT FIT!  All for only $9.99.  Here’s an easier way, try on your shoes BEFORE you buy them.  If they don’t fit, then you must quit……trying to wear ‘em.  

Moving on, here’s a good gift…NOT!  It’s Stick & Click, only $9.95.  They’re lights that you can stick anywhere you need light.  They have adhesive on the back allowing you to stick ‘em.  Actually, I bought some of them one year.  I figured…great idea…..until I turned them on.  The light emitting from them was so low, I couldn’t find them in the dark.

Which brings me to another item that a friend bought, it’s called Riddex and for only $19.95, it gets rid of household pests like roaches and mice.  You plug it into an outlet and wham…..pests all gone.  I’m at a friend’s house and he’s got one plugged up.  I asked him if it worked.  He says “I ain’t seen no bugs or nothing since I plugged it in.”  Instead of looking around the house, he should’ve looked at that Riddex plugged in the wall cause there was a roach standing right on top of it with its’ antennae twitching so much, it must have been sending out Morse code.   I guess it was telling all the other roaches to stay away cuz  ain’t no food up in this camp…..not even crumbs or grease on a plate.  My partner eats everything.  He’s not 500 pounds for nothing.

A few years ago I bought a Steamer Basket cause I like steamed shrimp and steamed broccoli.  You put the food in the basket and put the basket inside a pot containing a little water.  And that’s exactly what I did with my shrimp….. left em in there for about five minutes…… opened the pot and was surprised to see, my shrimp had multiplied.  Oh Happy Da-ay!  I scooped em out of the pot and onto a plate and I was ready for Freddy…….till I noticed, this ain’t just shrimp…….it’s also the BASKET!  All broke down into pieces the same size as and resembling  the shrimp.  It gave a whole new meaning to ‘shrimp in a basket’.  

There are a lot of other Christmas gifts out there too.  The Justin Bieber singing toothbrush.  Yeah, Justin Bieber in your mouth…..singing.  The Soap Dispenser, just wave your hand under it and it dispenses soap perfectly….for 3 days (my brother had one).  HD vision sunglasses, which actually work and you look good in them too.  Yep, I still have a pair…wish they were prescription though and of course, the Perfect Pancake Maker.  Already got one of those, I call it ……my wife.

Anyway, here’s hoping you get what you want for Christmas and even more so, here’s hoping you give something that’s priceless.  It occurred to me some time ago that we’re all on this earth to help each other.   Whatever it is you can do to be a blessing to someone else, please DO IT!  And continue to do it, YEAR ROUND.  Blessed Christmas Wishes to you and your family.


Bob Thomas
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OH, I CAN DO THIS

OH, I CAN DO THIS
Have you ever had a chore……… that you thought was SO simple……. that rather than paying someone to do it……you’ll do it YOURSELF?!  Of course you have!  Well, I recently had a fuel pump replaced on my Maxima.  Instead of having the mechanic (shade tree variety) replace the fuel filter as well, I decided OH, I CAN DO THIS.  To be fair, I did have experience replacing a fuel filter.  Back in 1979, I replaced the fuel filter in my Toyota Celica ST…….took about ten minutes.  Done….and away I drove.  That was then, THIS is NOW!  The fuel filter is between two hoses…one hose on the bottom coming from….somewhere……and the other hose on the top of the filter going…….somewhere else.  All I had to do was disconnect the two hoses, replace the filter and reconnect the two hoses.  Simple, right……WRONG!  LAWD HAVE MERCY!!  It took me an hour to unscrew the clamp holding the hose to the top of the filter….AN HOUR!  After finally getting the clamp off the hose, I couldn’t get the hose off the filter.  My big hands trying to reach into this little small tight area, my back hurting cuz I was all bent over, face all up in the motor feeling the heat from the engine, mosquitoes biting and buzzing all around, me swattin at ‘em but only smacking myself all up side the face with greasy dirty hands……LAWD HAVE MERCY, HELP ME somebody.  Finally, I worked that top hose off of the filter and WHOOSH……gas shot up like a geyser.  I jumped like an Olympian high jumper, head hit the hood, the hood came down on me, gas all over my forearm, fumes got my eyes watering, I’m gagging……LAWD HAVE MERCY, HELP ME somebody!  I ran in the house to get a paper cup (to catch the gas….why I dunno).  By the time I got back, gas had stop coming out of the filter.  Wife comes from inside the house talking bout something’s wrong cuz the house SMELLS LIKE GAS.  The house smells like gas?  What about me?  I’m a walking Molotov cocktail.  Open a window in the house, it’ll be alright.  Meanwhile, back to work, gotta unscrew the clamp on the bottom hose.  What the?!??  How am I supposed to unscrew this thing?  What little itty bitty teeny tiny hands put this thing in here in the first place?  The Lilliputians of Gulliver’s Travels or the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz?  I’m under that hood fumbling, bumbling and mumbling.  For whatever reason, my lips kept getting dry, so I’d wet ‘em by licking my lips.  After a while, my lips felt like they were burning….but I kept on task…..then it felt like the inside of my lips and the tip of my tongue was burning….but I kept on task.  Finally, something said, “boy, that’s the fumes from that gas all over your lips….you better go rinse with mouthwash.”  So, I headed back into the house.  Got in the bathroom, looked in the mirror and freaked out……my lips were the size of two slices of cantaloupe (rind side out).   I could barely see my nose and chin and when I pursed my lips (like you’re about to kiss someone), I couldn’t see my nose or chin.  I screamed “LAWD HAVE MERCY” but it came out “Law-ba ba, habb-ba-ba bercy.”  I sounded like Mushmouth from the Cosby kids cartoon.  I ran into the bedroom and said to my wife .…”Pam-ba-ba, look at my-ba-ba lip-ba-bas.”  She was taking a nap but woke up, looked at me and said with a straight face…..”they look fine to me” and rolled over and went back to sleep.  “Whab-ba-ba, Fine?”  I ran back to the bathroom and wash those bad boys with Ganoderma soap (see me if you want some), then covered them with Vaseline.  I looked like Wanda from “In Living Color”……”Heyyyyyy!”  I tied a kerchief around my face (like a cowboy robbing a bank or a stagecoach) to protect those giant lips from the fumes and I went back to work on that filter.  I was determined to get it done.  People walking by my house would look at me and say “howdy partner” or “whatcha doing….playing cowboys wit yo kid?”  I’d reply, “Whab-ba-ba Eber!”  Finally, four hours later….I replaced it.  Finished!!! DONE!!!!  Now, what about these lips?  If you hear me on the air say, “Ninety PIBE Seben …..
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