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Bob Thomas

Posts from August 2014

Good Morning
What awakens you in the morning? I’m not a morning person……not now......nor ever have been. So getting up in the morning is not one of my favorite things to do. What’s interesting is when I do, I usually do it without much effort. I just get up and go about doing what needs to be done. Of course, I’m complaining and grumbling every step of the way. Most of the time, I utilize a clock radio; however, usually I wake up just prior to the time the clock radio goes off.  I guess you could say I have a built in clock that awakens me and the clock radio is my backup.  I've always had that built in clock even though sometimes I ignore it.  I also have a built in snooze alarm. The only problem is my built in snooze alarm doesn’t always go off in ten minute intervals.  It’s more like intervals of an hour.  So that’s why I have the clock radio as backup.  When I was a kid, my alarm clock was my mom.  She would call upstairs and say, “it’s time to get up baby”…………that would be the first time.  The next time I’d hear……”Are you up?”  My answer, of course, would be “Yes” even though I wasn’t.  The final call would be, “Don’t make me come up there and get you out of that bed boy.”  Once I heard that, I’d be up and at ‘em……cuz you didn’t want Mrs. Thomas coming to get you out of the bed.  My mom was innovative.  She’d get you up with one swing of a belt, or pour some water on you or (the worst) was to just stand over you with her arms folded saying you got five seconds to get outta that bed.  Ya think I wasn’t up in 2 ……who da fool…not me.  While in college, I had no problem getting up in the morning…….that’s cuz I didn’t do it.  I never went to breakfast (my roommate did, so I’d tell him to bring me one of those little boxes of cereal….and he first…...till he caught on, then he’d say get yo lazy #$%! up and git it yo'self) and I made sure my classes didn’t start till at least ten.  Problem solved.  Being in the military; however, did present a problem.  Because all the military does is awaken early in the morning.  So what I did was buy an expensive stereo system (while I was stationed in Germany) with a remote timer.  I’d turn the volume on the stereo up loud and I kept the stereo in another room.  So when the timer turned the system on at “oh dark thirty”, I’d have to get up, walk to the other room to turn the volume down or the system off.  Ok, but now, I’m up, so might as well keep on moving.  Everybody has their own method to the madness.  How do you awaken yourself in the morning?  My wife sets the clock radio ahead an hour, puts the volume on rock concert level, then hits the snooze button 6 times before getting up (that’s overkill) and will still be late for work.  I have a friend who gets up and sticks his head in the freezer for about a minute.  Another friend gets cold water from the refrigerator and pours it over his head (been doing the ice bucket challenge all his life).  And still another friend’s dog gets her up by licking her face (I don’t know bout that.....dogs like to face cannot and will not be included in "whatever"). Here’s a good one…..a friend programs her TV (the fact that she can program her TV deserves an award) and when she hears a strange man’s voice coming from the living room area, she automatically gets up to investigate, usually with a snub nose 32. Say What?!? (don’t think the wife & I will spend the night over there). But hey, whatever works for you. Personally, I’m glad I don’t have to awaken at an early hour on a consistent basis. Usually, I’ll awaken around 8am, lie there listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show until 9am, then turn on the TV to catch NCIS or Andy Griffith or the new and finally arise around 10am, bright eyed and bushy tailed……..hey, it works for me.  I hope your solution works for you.

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Top 10 Ways to Get A "RAISE"
Ok folks, here's a blog that was first published July 2010.  Back by popular demand........
Lots of people would like to get a "RAISE" but just don’t know how to go about it.  So, I’m here to help.  Just for you, the top ten ways to get a "RAISE."
Number 10 – Wear elevated shoes.
Number 9  -   Sit on a inflatable tube and blow
Number 8 -    Get in a hot air balloon and look down as you go up
Number 7 -   Climb a tree, ladder or stairs while your friend stays on                         the ground
Number 6 -   Ride an express elevator or a slow escalator
Number 5 -   Stay in your car while it’s on a lift getting an oil change
Number 4 -   Walk on your tippy toes.
Number 3 -   Jump on a trampoline or pogo stick.
Number 2 -   Get a job in the shipyard as a crane operator

And the number one way to get a "RAISE":
For men – Watch porn
For women – Implants
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