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Dale Murray
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Bob Thomas


Child Please!!

I checked out a new food establishment the other day, well, new to me.  I’ve been past it several times and each time it’s packed but today it wasn’t, so I figured I’d check it out.  Upon entering, much to my surprise, it was a burger joint.  Now, I’m not a big fan of red meat.  Matter of fact, I stopped eating it totally about 17 years ago.  However, about 15 years ago, I took my son to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.  We travelled by train from Washington, DC……21 hours……ONE WAY!!  Just before we boarded the train for the return trip, we stopped at a restaurant.   I (being extremely hungry) decided to get a big fat juicy steak.  Oh, it was so Gee double O – Dee good!!  We left the restaurant and boarded the train for the 21 HOUR ride home.  Fifteen minutes after the train left the station, my stomach started to freak out!  It sounded and felt like a herd of wild elephants were fighting a pride of lions during the migration of the wildebeests on the Serengeti.  If bathroom run was an Olympic event, I would have won gold and set a new world record.  Talk about a miserable 21 hour ride….. bathroom run, two times a hour for twenty one hours….. bounced up and down, side to side, back & forth.  And when I wasn’t making a bathroom run, I was trying to fend off this 70 year old drunk woman who thought I was cute!  Rather than going through that type of misery again, I decided to eat red meat once a month.  So, I ordered a bacon burger combo…..burger with bacon, regular fries, and a regular drink.  Paid with a credit card, got my receipt and waited for my grub…..and waited…….and waited…..and waited.  While waiting, I looked at my receipt.  “Hey, hold  up…..’cuse me ma’am, uh, you made a mistake………you charged me $10.27, I got the bacon burger combo, that’s  $5.89.”  She said, “sir….we don’t sell combo’s.  You buy everything a la carte.”   I’m thinking…..A LA CARTE?  What is this, Chez (Shay) Burger?  Oh, we French now huh!  So, I’m standing there with my mouth open, looking at the a la carte menu…….waiting……waiting…….and waiting for my grub. Then it dawns on me, I just paid over $10 for a burger, fries and a soda!  WHAT THE……!  OH THIS BETTER BE THE BEST BURGER EVER MADE OR THOUGHT OF IN THE NEXT TEN LIFETIMES!  TEN DOLLARS!!!  WHAT’S THE NAME OF THIS PLACE!!   FIVE GUYS?!?  Oh!  That’s the problem!  You see, there’s only ONE Burger King, ONE Wendy, ONE Carl’s Jr. and ONE Ronald McDonald but there are FIVE guys……..that’s TWO DOLLARS A GUY.  Get rid of some of those guys and reduce the price.   Suggestion….why not call it “This Guy” or “Him” or “Guy with Burger” or even “His’n!”  C’mon man…..Ten Dollars!  Child Please!!

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08/17/2010 8:06AM
Child Please!!
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