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Bob Thomas
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Time to Work Out ... what? Again?

Grace & Peace,

Recently, I started working out, you know, getting in shape or at least trying to get in shape. I figured it was a good way to strengthen the muscles in my back post surgery. So I headed to the Planet. While utilizing the treadmill, I thought of an adventure I had at another facility. So, here's the blog I published in March of 2009 ...

Now's the time of year when folks realize summer is on the way and they try to get back into some kind of shape. Just enough to look "halfway" good. I'm no different, matter of fact, I was looking at my profile in the mirror the other day and it reminded me of Alfred Hitchcock, you know, the second half of a parentheses ")". For those of you who don't remember him, let's just say my six pack has turned into a couple of kegs. "Gotta do SOMEthin bout dat." But I'm no longer a member of the "cluB" (cost too much - $60 a month...on top of that I stopped going...so I was just wasting money). Now..... I'm a member of the "Center." Yeah, Charles Black turned me on to it...$35 a year, that's right......A YEAR! (Brambleton Community Outreach Center in Norfolk). They have basically the same type of exercise equipment as the "cluB." Last Thursday, I took my butt into the Center and started working out again. I figured I shouldn't do too much since I haven't been working out. Twenty minutes of walking on the treadmill at 2.7 miles an hour should be enough. So that was the plan.......until this fine little young thang came into the cardio-room. I figured she was just looking around cuz she was dressed in street clothes....and who works out in street clothes. She does.....that's who. She used the treadmill that was right beside me. I know what you're thinking......"didn't you just get married Bob?" "Yeah....but I ain't dead." And if I didn't have an eye for beauty then how, OH HOW, could I justify my adoration for my wife (you like that line don't cha......hey baby...LOVE U). So, this fine little young thang is working out beside me, which I thought was cool, until I noticed her peeping at my treadmill levels and putting HER levels HIGHER than mine. "Ohhhhhh no you didn't! What? You figure you can wear STREET clothes and outwork this OLD man huh? Well, I ain't THAT OLD." So, I bumped my levels up and sneered at her. She bumped hers up and smiled at me. I bumped up mine again. She bumped up hers too. "Ohhhhhhh, it's like this, huh?" Another bump....... and now.... I'm running (mind you....I haven't run in like 10 years.....I mean, I don't even run from dogs....bite me and I'll bite 'em back....cuz I ain't doing NO running). She's running too....but at a faster pace. Alright, I bump up my incline level to 3. She puts hers on 4. I put my on SEVEN!!! She looked on in amazement. "Ahh HA, I gotcha." She couldn't hang. By now, I've been on this treadmill for about 27 minutes and I'm breathing like a woman in labor. But just to let this little fine young thang know that she ain't dealing with "no chump".....I bump the incline up 15! That's as high as it can go. It's up so high, I have to hold on or it'll throw me off. So I'm holding on, breathing hard (gasping for air...really), and making all kinds of noises and sounds with my mouth and other body parts. Sweat is starting to roll into my eyes....and it's burning....but I can't wipe the sweat cuz if I let go, the treadmill will throw me into the wall.....HARD. I'm gasping for air, so much so, I can't even speak in coherent sentences. I looked at her with my mouth wide open and fear in my eyes and managed to utter a mumbled variation of two words. "Helm".....translated, it means "Help Me." After acting like she didn't know what I was saying (for a whole minute), she reached over & pulled the "emergency stop cord" on the treadmill. I just slumped over the front of the machine, breathing like a pervert on an obscene phone call, oblivious to everything. I tried to muster a thank you but all I could say was......th...th...thhhhhh...th....th....thhhhh. She ended her workout and gave me this look....... as in ......"silly old man." It's now Sunday night and I'm just now regrouping from that workout. My wife says "serves you right...that's what you get." Yeah, well....what can I say. It's a man thing...... and I'm just a man. Next time tho....if a little fine young thang even comes into the AREA where I'm working out.........I'M LEAVING!!! Didn't have this problem at the "cluB".....cuz everybody there was out of shape & 65 plus years old.

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Topics : Human Interest
People : Alfred HitchcockCharles Black




 


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