Itâ€™s Sunday night andÂ Iâ€™m chillinâ€™ watching pre-season football.Â Man, Iâ€™m glad football is back even if it IS a game between two teams I dislike (Dallas & Cincinnati).Â I donâ€™t care.Â I'm watching!!!Â I wuz watching an â€śOn Demandâ€ť movie till I remembered the game was on.Â The movie wasâ€¦â€¦.wellâ€¦..different.Â Itâ€™s entitled â€śRepo Man.â€ťÂ I figured it was about cars being repoâ€™d.Â Not quite! Â It was about transplanted body parts being repoâ€™d.Â Huh?Â Yep!Â The repo man would shootÂ you with a stun gun and repo that liver, heart, kidney or whatever.Â What kind of demented mind came up with this?Â I figure Iâ€™ll finish watching it tomorrow.
Last week, the Boy Scouts celebrated an anniversary.Â That reminded me of my time as a scout.Â I made it to the rank of â€śFirst Class.â€ťÂ To progress farther than that, you had to have merit badges.Â But for what we were good at, they didnâ€™t have merit badges.Â You know, things like â€śmackingâ€ť the ladies or playing the dozens.Â The only hike we did was to hike a football.Â I remember this particular camping trip, one of the guys brought TV dinners to eat.Â You ever tried to cook a TV dinner over an open fire?
I guess the Scouts got me ready for the Armyâ€¦â€¦well, kinda..... but not really.Â The only things in common were you wore a uniform and you camped out (the Army called it a â€śfield exercise.â€ť)Â Yeah, well, Iâ€™ve never been the outdoors type. Â Every time I went to the field, I complained so much, they sent me back to garrison (civilization).Â In the morning, to wash yourself, put water in your helmet.Â Â COLD WATER!Â Huh?Â Gotta go to the bathroom for #2, dig a hole. "WHOA, WHOA, WHOLE UP NOW, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!Â Man, itsâ€™ bugs and reptiles crawling around out here! Â I ain't squatting over no hole!Â Besides, Iâ€™m personnel!Â Iâ€™m SUPPOSE to be in an office somewhere!"Â One time I had to pull guard duty at a place called NATO two six.Â They gave me a M16 and 5 bullets.Â FIVE BULETS!! Are you kidding!Â It was so dark out there, I couldnâ€™t see light....... but I could hear.Â And I heard something in the bushes.Â So I loaded my weapon and hollered, â€śAl-ight, donâ€™t be no foolâ€ť (I was supposed to say â€śAdvance & be recognized.â€ť)Â Then, I heard another sound from dem bushes.Â I locked a round in the chamber (meaning I loaded one o dem bullets) and put my weapon on automatic.Â I'mÂ ready to rockÂ & roll baby!Â Thatâ€™s right, I was nowâ€¦..RAM-BRO!!Â I hollered â€ťBring it on!!â€ťÂ It was at that time that this big, huge, 3 foot, 90 pound RABBIT came running from outta da bushes toward me.Â The only thingÂ faster than that rabbit was ME!Â I dropped my weapon and hauled ____.Â I was headed for the guard shack.......till it dawned on me.......... Iâ€™m RUNNING from a rabbit!Â I canâ€™t let my boys know Iâ€™m running from a rabbit AND I DROPPED MY WEAPON (actually, I threw it at him as I was running backwards).Â So I went back, picked up my weapon, and hid inside a deuce and a half (big ole Army truck) till my watch was over.Â To this day, none of my Army buddies know this story, so Iâ€™d appreciate it, if you kept it to yo'self.