It’s Sunday night and I’m chillin’ watching pre-season football. Man, I’m glad football is back even if it IS a game between two teams I dislike (Dallas & Cincinnati). I don’t care. I'm watching!!! I wuz watching an “On Demand” movie till I remembered the game was on. The movie was…….well…..different. It’s entitled “Repo Man.” I figured it was about cars being repo’d. Not quite! It was about transplanted body parts being repo’d. Huh? Yep! The repo man would shoot you with a stun gun and repo that liver, heart, kidney or whatever. What kind of demented mind came up with this? I figure I’ll finish watching it tomorrow.
Last week, the Boy Scouts celebrated an anniversary. That reminded me of my time as a scout. I made it to the rank of “First Class.” To progress farther than that, you had to have merit badges. But for what we were good at, they didn’t have merit badges. You know, things like “macking” the ladies or playing the dozens. The only hike we did was to hike a football. I remember this particular camping trip, one of the guys brought TV dinners to eat. You ever tried to cook a TV dinner over an open fire?
I guess the Scouts got me ready for the Army……well, kinda..... but not really. The only things in common were you wore a uniform and you camped out (the Army called it a “field exercise.”) Yeah, well, I’ve never been the outdoors type. Every time I went to the field, I complained so much, they sent me back to garrison (civilization). In the morning, to wash yourself, put water in your helmet. COLD WATER! Huh? Gotta go to the bathroom for #2, dig a hole. "WHOA, WHOA, WHOLE UP NOW, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!! Man, its’ bugs and reptiles crawling around out here! I ain't squatting over no hole! Besides, I’m personnel! I’m SUPPOSE to be in an office somewhere!" One time I had to pull guard duty at a place called NATO two six. They gave me a M16 and 5 bullets. FIVE BULETS!! Are you kidding! It was so dark out there, I couldn’t see light....... but I could hear. And I heard something in the bushes. So I loaded my weapon and hollered, “Al-ight, don’t be no fool” (I was supposed to say “Advance & be recognized.”) Then, I heard another sound from dem bushes. I locked a round in the chamber (meaning I loaded one o dem bullets) and put my weapon on automatic. I'm ready to rock & roll baby! That’s right, I was now…..RAM-BRO!! I hollered ”Bring it on!!” It was at that time that this big, huge, 3 foot, 90 pound RABBIT came running from outta da bushes toward me. The only thing faster than that rabbit was ME! I dropped my weapon and hauled ____. I was headed for the guard shack.......till it dawned on me.......... I’m RUNNING from a rabbit! I can’t let my boys know I’m running from a rabbit AND I DROPPED MY WEAPON (actually, I threw it at him as I was running backwards). So I went back, picked up my weapon, and hid inside a deuce and a half (big ole Army truck) till my watch was over. To this day, none of my Army buddies know this story, so I’d appreciate it, if you kept it to yo'self.