Well, it’s that time of year, the Season of Giving. Unfortunately, seems like receiving has precedence over giving. There’s so much junk out there, all in the name of turning a buck. One of the old favorites that shows up every year around this time is …..The Chia Pet! There are so many chias it’s crazy. There are chia people and now chia animals. The people grow chia hair and the animals grow chia fur. Chia lamb, chia kitty, chia dog, chia rat, chia roach…..well, maybe not rat and roach but seems like everything else. Have you ever got a Chia Pet for Christmas? No? Well somebody has cause they keep coming back. Herpes recurs less.
Here’s a new one… the Stretch Genie. It’ll stretch your shoes if they’re too tight. Stretch them from a B to a C or a C to a D. Just spray it in the shoe and leave it overnight. Next morning PERFECT FIT! All for only $9.99. Here’s an easier way, try on your shoes BEFORE you buy them. If they don’t fit, then you must quit……trying to wear ‘em.
Moving on, here’s a good gift…NOT! It’s Stick & Click, only $9.95. They’re lights that you can stick anywhere you need light. They have adhesive on the back allowing you to stick ‘em. Actually, I bought some of them one year. I figured…great idea…..until I turned them on. The light emitting from them was so low, I couldn’t find them in the dark.
Which brings me to another item that a friend bought, it’s called Riddex and for only $19.95, it gets rid of household pests like roaches and mice. You plug it into an outlet and wham…..pests all gone. I’m at a friend’s house and he’s got one plugged up. I asked him if it worked. He says “I ain’t seen no bugs or nothing since I plugged it in.” Instead of looking around the house, he should’ve looked at that Riddex plugged in the wall cause there was a roach standing right on top of it with its’ antennae twitching so much, it must have been sending out Morse code. I guess it was telling all the other roaches to stay away cuz ain’t no food up in this camp…..not even crumbs or grease on a plate. My partner eats everything. He’s not 500 pounds for nothing.
A few years ago I bought a Steamer Basket cause I like steamed shrimp and steamed broccoli. You put the food in the basket and put the basket inside a pot containing a little water. And that’s exactly what I did with my shrimp….. left em in there for about five minutes…… opened the pot and was surprised to see, my shrimp had multiplied. Oh Happy Da-ay! I scooped em out of the pot and onto a plate and I was ready for Freddy…….till I noticed, this ain’t just shrimp…….it’s also the BASKET! All broke down into pieces the same size as and resembling the shrimp. It gave a whole new meaning to ‘shrimp in a basket’.
There are a lot of other Christmas gifts out there too. The Justin Bieber singing toothbrush. Yeah, Justin Bieber in your mouth…..singing. The Soap Dispenser, just wave your hand under it and it dispenses soap perfectly….for 3 days (my brother had one). HD vision sunglasses, which actually work and you look good in them too. Yep, I still have a pair…wish they were prescription though and of course, the Perfect Pancake Maker. Already got one of those, I call it ……my wife.
Anyway, here’s hoping you get what you want for Christmas and even more so, here’s hoping you give something that’s priceless. It occurred to me some time ago that we’re all on this earth to help each other. Whatever it is you can do to be a blessing to someone else, please DO IT! And continue to do it, YEAR ROUND. Blessed Christmas Wishes to you and your family.
OH, I CAN DO THIS
Have you ever had a chore……… that you thought was SO simple……. that rather than paying someone to do it……you’ll do it YOURSELF?! Of course you have! Well, I recently had a fuel pump replaced on my Maxima. Instead of having the mechanic (shade tree variety) replace the fuel filter as well, I decided OH, I CAN DO THIS. To be fair, I did have experience replacing a fuel filter. Back in 1979, I replaced the fuel filter in my Toyota Celica ST…….took about ten minutes. Done….and away I drove. That was then, THIS is NOW! The fuel filter is between two hoses…one hose on the bottom coming from….somewhere……and the other hose on the top of the filter going…….somewhere else. All I had to do was disconnect the two hoses, replace the filter and reconnect the two hoses. Simple, right……WRONG! LAWD HAVE MERCY!! It took me an hour to unscrew the clamp holding the hose to the top of the filter….AN HOUR! After finally getting the clamp off the hose, I couldn’t get the hose off the filter. My big hands trying to reach into this little small tight area, my back hurting cuz I was all bent over, face all up in the motor feeling the heat from the engine, mosquitoes biting and buzzing all around, me swattin at ‘em but only smacking myself all up side the face with greasy dirty hands……LAWD HAVE MERCY, HELP ME somebody. Finally, I worked that top hose off of the filter and WHOOSH……gas shot up like a geyser. I jumped like an Olympian high jumper, head hit the hood, the hood came down on me, gas all over my forearm, fumes got my eyes watering, I’m gagging……LAWD HAVE MERCY, HELP ME somebody! I ran in the house to get a paper cup (to catch the gas….why I dunno). By the time I got back, gas had stop coming out of the filter. Wife comes from inside the house talking bout something’s wrong cuz the house SMELLS LIKE GAS. The house smells like gas? What about me? I’m a walking Molotov cocktail. Open a window in the house, it’ll be alright. Meanwhile, back to work, gotta unscrew the clamp on the bottom hose. What the?!?? How am I supposed to unscrew this thing? What little itty bitty teeny tiny hands put this thing in here in the first place? The Lilliputians of Gulliver’s Travels or the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz? I’m under that hood fumbling, bumbling and mumbling. For whatever reason, my lips kept getting dry, so I’d wet ‘em by licking my lips. After a while, my lips felt like they were burning….but I kept on task…..then it felt like the inside of my lips and the tip of my tongue was burning….but I kept on task. Finally, something said, “boy, that’s the fumes from that gas all over your lips….you better go rinse with mouthwash.” So, I headed back into the house. Got in the bathroom, looked in the mirror and freaked out……my lips were the size of two slices of cantaloupe (rind side out). I could barely see my nose and chin and when I pursed my lips (like you’re about to kiss someone), I couldn’t see my nose or chin. I screamed “LAWD HAVE MERCY” but it came out “Law-ba ba, habb-ba-ba bercy.” I sounded like Mushmouth from the Cosby kids cartoon. I ran into the bedroom and said to my wife .…”Pam-ba-ba, look at my-ba-ba lip-ba-bas.” She was taking a nap but woke up, looked at me and said with a straight face…..”they look fine to me” and rolled over and went back to sleep. “Whab-ba-ba, Fine?” I ran back to the bathroom and wash those bad boys with Ganoderma soap (see me if you want some), then covered them with Vaseline. I looked like Wanda from “In Living Color”……”Heyyyyyy!” I tied a kerchief around my face (like a cowboy robbing a bank or a stagecoach) to protect those giant lips from the fumes and I went back to work on that filter. I was determined to get it done. People walking by my house would look at me and say “howdy partner” or “whatcha doing….playing cowboys wit yo kid?” I’d reply, “Whab-ba-ba Eber!” Finally, four hours later….I replaced it. Finished!!! DONE!!!! Now, what about these lips? If you hear me on the air say, “Ninety PIBE Seben …..
Originally, I planned to blog about the F.E.E.D. Program .I will….but not now.I’ll save that for a later date.A friend sent me a copy of a commentary from Ben Stein of CBS’s Sunday Morning.Mr. Stein asks that we contemplate forwarding it to those on our friends list in the hope of provoking thought.Thought provoking…… to say the least, POWERFUL is more like it. Usually, I try to put some levity within the body of my blogs but paraphrasing Mr. Stein, there’s nothing funny here.READ IT and become enlightened…..hopefully.
(The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.)
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees... I don't feel threatened.. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.. And we said okay..
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it.. no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
Tell me…… have you ever been talking with someone whose breath is beaming? I’m talking breath that puts the funk in funky, the B in BAD, the D in ….well, you know what I’m saying. I was talking with someone just the other day and I caught a whiff of that breath……I couldn’t believe it. I said to myself, “Whoa, that can’t be his/her breath! Geez! Let me say something else to him/her so I’ll know for sure.” Well I did and he/she said something back. WHOA, WE HAVE CONFIRMATION! The test results are POSITIVE! YOU GOT MAIL! YOU ARE THE FATHER/MOTHER of this bad breath! I ain’t got nuthin else to say to this person. Far as I’m concerned, this conversation is OVA! But of course, NOW, they want to talk like Lincoln doing the Gettysburg address! And they keep using those words that start with “W-H”. You know, WHAT, WHO, WHEN, WHERE, WHY. Those words that’ll give you a “whoosh” of breath in da face. They’re yapping and yapping while I’m trying to hold my breath! But now my eyes are starting to water. I had to turn my head and fake a cough so I could get a breath of fresh air. Meanwhile, this person is just going on and on and on and on. I’m trying to think of a reason to excuse myself but the funk of the breath is causing my brain waves to malfunction. Finally, I just blurted out the first thing I could think of…..”I gotta go pee!” And I took off …….almost running! I heard the person say “the bathroom is the other way.” I yelled back “that’s alright, I’m going outside.” Breath like that is not a result of onions or garlic or some other food Item. I mean, chittlin breath doesn’t smell THIS bad. This kind of bad breath is the result on some toxins in the body. What’s needed is a detoxifier. One MUST get that stuff outta the body. Easiest way to do that is to drink some coffee but not just any old coffee. You need some Organo Gold, the healthy coffee. And I’m just the person that can hook you up. Imagine drinking coffee, tea or cocoa and losing weight as well as detoxifying your body. It’s easy, it’s simple, it’s coffee.....AND it taste good too! Send me an email, I’ll send you some for FREE!
Now, I know Hampton Roads Virginia is not a major metropolitan area.Â Â I know the difference because I've lived in the Washington DC Metro area as well as the Los Angeles Metropolitan area.Â Iâve experienced extended stays in New York, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Chicago, Philly, Detroit, Paris, Amsterdam, Frankfurt and the list goes on.Â So by no means am I comparing any of those areas with Hampton Roads Virginia and Iâm certainly not comparing the traffic here with any of those areas either. HOWEVER, I had the misfortune of being a part of the MORNING RUSH HOUR in Hampton Roads the other day.Â OH MY GOODNESS!!!Â ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!Â Now, maybe since I work evenings and have not dealt with anything like that in, oh sayâ¦â¦..fifteen yearsâ¦..I might just be a little out of practice.Â I mean, usually, Iâm dealing with traffic when people are leaving work and perhaps they are just a little less ENERGIZED!!!Â That morning traffic is crazy!!!Â People all hopped up on coffee and caffeine and driving at the speed of THOUGHT!Â And the thought isâ¦â¦âIâm gonna be late, I know I shoulda quit hitting that *#^&% snooze button.Â Boss said if Iâm late just one mo timeâ¦â¦âÂ People were riding bumpers like race cars drafting at the Indy 500.Â They would change lanes and THEN signal.Â I felt like Capt. Kirk of Star TrekÂ â¦..only difference was my mission was to seek out new lanes and boldly drive where no one had driven beforeâ¦â¦meaningâ¦â¦the shoulder.Â Cause I pulled over and parked!Â I called my wife and told her to come get me.Â She drives in that morning madness daily, so no big deal to her.Â Â Thatâs right, I told her to COME GET ME!!Â Iâll come back around 10 a.m. (when all the senior citizens are driving) and get the car.Â Â Morning traffic, just one MORE reason to have a home based business.Â If you need someÂ info on a good one, email me.
My wife is a huge tennis fan, so we made the trip to The Billie Jean King National Tennis Center in Flushing, New York to see the women's final in The US Open.Â We had decent seats as there are no bad seats in Arthur Ashe Stadium.Â We had what I call.....an aerial view (we were just below the BLIMP).Â We had a good time....the only thing that would haveÂ made itÂ better was forÂ Serena Williams to win the match but alas....she got SMOKED.Â Still it was cool to see her play, er uh, not play.Â It was cool to see her and here are theÂ pixs (they got clearer after I cleaned the lens).
Remember the last time the Dismal Swamp was burning?Â Of course you don't.Â You're probably saying whatÂ the (blank) is the Dismal Swamp, right?Â Well, the Dismal Swamp is roughly 112,000 acres of swamp Â situated on the border of Virgina & North Carolina.Â There's a wildlife refuge on the Virgina side and a state park on the North Carolina side.Â Presently, about 5500 of the acresÂ are blazing.Â It also burned three years ago.Â Back in 2008, I couldnât fathom how a swamp could burn.Â Â I mean, it'sÂ supposed to be saturated with water.Â Come find out, it ain't always got water in it.....not entirely.Â Some parts have water, other parts are dry.Â Well, it seemsÂ that lightning keeps striking the part that's dry and before you know it.......whoosh, itâs Â flame on.Â Â All of Hampton Roads and northeast North Carolina have been affected by the smoke.Â Doesn't matter where you live, sooner or later the wind will blow that stinking, eye burning, nostril hurting foul stench your way.Â In addition, in some cases, visibility is reduced to basically nothing.Â Matter of fact, check out this pic...
Can you imagine breathing this stuff?Â As a matter of fact, there's a respiratory alert in place.Â Here's another one......
Not fog but SMOKE,Â breathingÂ hurts.Â Â Oh, butÂ here's my favorite picture.....
It reminds me of some of the rooms in myÂ college dormitory back in the 70's.Â Knock on the door, whenÂ it opened, thatâs allÂ you saw.....BIG TIME SMOKE.Â Â The only things missing from the picture above are a black light, the poster of that sister with the big afro, fishnets hanging fromÂ the ceiling and Iron Butterfly's IN DA GADA VIDA blasting on the turntable.Â Â Once, I not only knocked on that door, I entered the fogâ¦â¦â¦.I disappeared for a weekâ¦â¦.with no memory of anything.
Which brings to mind....how come these mega wildfires never engulf acres of marijuana? Once, while in the military, we stumbled across a huge patch of it during one of those field exercises.Â Dudes were uprooting plants and stuffing em in their duffel bags figuring it be dry and ready by the time the field exercise was over.Â So you know, it's growing wild somewhere.Â Now, imagine all that smoke in the pictures above was a result of some weed wildfire.Â Â Potheads would be homeless on purpose.Â All they would want to do is just live outside and breathe andÂ live outside and breathe. Everybody would have a contact (thatâs being high as a result of secondary smoke).Â All the snacks in Hampton Roads and northeast North Carolina would be SOLD OUT cause everybody got the munchies.Â People would be driving around aimlessly because they can't remember where they're going.Â Teachers would forgot to check homework, give the test that they promise a week ago, take attendance and attend those awful after school meetings.Â Brown nosers would refrain from kissing the bosses butt and tell the boss to kiss their butts and they and the boss would then burst into laughter..... and keep on laughing............ for the rest of the day.Â Bus drivers would drive their routes but forget to pick up and discharge passengers.Â Admin workers would be at their desks marveling at the starfield screen saver on the computer while uttering mono syllabic phrases like Â Ooooo, Ahhhh, woooowwwww.Â And radio personalities like me, would get on the air and just ramble on and on and on about nothing.Â Wait a minuteâ¦â¦we do that NOW!!Â Hmmmm, is there something burning in the swamp that they havenât told us about?!?
(pictures courtesy of our broadcast partner WTKR, News Channel 3)
A lot of things have transpired since my last blog and I thought I would share a few of them with you. Â Where oh where do I start? Â Well, a couple of weeks ago, I celebrated a birthday. Â Usually, the only thing I want for my birthday is to have it acknowledged by my friends...... especially my female friends. Â The guys get a pass because most of them can't remember their own mother's birthday more or less a partner's. Â This year, however, Face Book friends got in on the wishes. Â It was overwhelming and humbling. Â I've NEVER received so many birthday wishes at one time. Â Wishes came from all over the world!!! Â Some people I've never met; yet, they took time out of their day to wish me a "Happy Birthday." Â I felt it was incumbent upon me to take time out and thank each one of them individually and personally.....and I DID.......and it took A LONG TIME!!! Â But it was worth it. Â Just goes to show, you don't always need money to be rich.
A couple of weeks ago, I participated in the Career Fair at Huntington Middle School. Â Originally, Huntington Middle School was Huntington High School. Â The high school I attended and graduated from in......well, let's just say the group "The Temptations" still had all original members. Â (Some of you are saying, "who are the Temptations?") Â It was surreal to be in the same gym where I played as a member of the basketball team. Â The same gym where I attended health class. Â The same gym where Coach Meathead (a name of affection we gave to one of our coaches) told a student to get rid of the gum he was chewing. Â The student said he would get rid of it by placing it on Coach's desk. Â Coach replied "If you do, I'll use you to get the gum off." Â The student called Coach's bluff, Â took the gum out of his mouth and placed it dead smack in the middle of Coach's desk. Â Coach jumped up, grabbed him by the neck (with two hands....one in front the other in the back), lifted him in the air and proceeded to wipe him across the desk. Â The whole class erupted in laughter, including the student that was used as a dust rag. Â Now days, a teacher will get a written reprimand for yelling at a student. Â But I digress, the Career Fair went very well. Â I spoke to individual groups about broadcasting and I had some music playing so quite naturally the kids migrated to my area. Â At one time I had to turn the music off because a group of 7th grade girls insisted on singing along with "Tre Songz." Â Call me old fashion but I couldn't handle hearing some 7th grade girls (12 year olds) singing about how it feels after a session of intense love making. Â I switched to Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine." Â They said that was old folks music and quickly disbanded. Â I don't know what shocked me more......them singing about the after effects of intense lovemaking OR them calling Mary J. Blige "old folks music."
Last but not least, my little cousin Andre visited the wife and me. Â He's put on some weight. Â So I had him playing the Nintendo Wii Fitness game. Â He's six years old and did a thirty minute workout on the Wii. Â That thirty minutes included a 10 minute jog in place where he ran 1.97 miles. Â I was impressed. Â So impressed, he inspired me. Â And since my clothes are shrinking, I told him that I too would complete a thirty minute workout including the jog........but not now. Â I'll do it tomorrow (in private......wasn't gonna let him laugh at me). Â That next day, I did some warm up exercises and started the workout. Â I ran exactly two TENTHS of A MILE and fell on the floor wheezing and sucking air like I was a 3 pack a day smoker walking up five steps to get to the bathroom. Â You laugh but I finally completed that 10 minute jog in place AND ran a total of 2.25 miles. Â Course, I discovered that if you pump your arms, the Wii registers that you're running. Â But don't tell Andre. Â You see, wisdom triumphs youth every time.