Now, I know Hampton Roads Virginia is not a major metropolitan area.  I know the difference because I've lived in the Washington DC Metro area as well as the Los Angeles Metropolitan area.  I’ve experienced extended stays in New York, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Chicago, Philly, Detroit, Paris, Amsterdam, Frankfurt and the list goes on.  So by no means am I comparing any of those areas with Hampton Roads Virginia and I’m certainly not comparing the traffic here with any of those areas either. HOWEVER, I had the misfortune of being a part of the MORNING RUSH HOUR in Hampton Roads the other day.  OH MY GOODNESS!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!  Now, maybe since I work evenings and have not dealt with anything like that in, oh say……..fifteen years…..I might just be a little out of practice.  I mean, usually, I’m dealing with traffic when people are leaving work and perhaps they are just a little less ENERGIZED!!!  That morning traffic is crazy!!!  People all hopped up on coffee and caffeine and driving at the speed of THOUGHT!  And the thought is……”I’m gonna be late, I know I shoulda quit hitting that *#^&% snooze button.  Boss said if I’m late just one mo time……”  People were riding bumpers like race cars drafting at the Indy 500.  They would change lanes and THEN signal.  I felt like Capt. Kirk of Star Trek …..only difference was my mission was to seek out new lanes and boldly drive where no one had driven before……meaning……the shoulder.  Cause I pulled over and parked!  I called my wife and told her to come get me.  She drives in that morning madness daily, so no big deal to her.  That’s right, I told her to COME GET ME!!  I’ll come back around 10 a.m. (when all the senior citizens are driving) and get the car.   Morning traffic, just one MORE reason to have a home based business.  If you need some info on a good one, email me.

Remember the last time the Dismal Swamp was burning?  Of course you don't.  You're probably saying what the (blank) is the Dismal Swamp, right?  Well, the Dismal Swamp is roughly 112,000 acres of swamp  situated on the border of Virgina & North Carolina.  There's a wildlife refuge on the Virgina side and a state park on the North Carolina side.  Presently, about 5500 of the acres are blazing.  It also burned three years ago.  Back in 2008, I couldn’t fathom how a swamp could burn.  I mean, it's supposed to be saturated with water.  Come find out, it ain't always got water in it.....not entirely. Some parts have water, other parts are dry.  Well, it seems that lightning keeps striking the part that's dry and before you know it.......whoosh, it’s  flame on.   All of Hampton Roads and northeast North Carolina have been affected by the smoke.  Doesn't matter where you live, sooner or later the wind will blow that stinking, eye burning, nostril hurting foul stench your way.  In addition, in some cases, visibility is reduced to basically nothing.  Matter of fact, check out this pic...

Can you imagine breathing this stuff?  As a matter of fact, there's a respiratory alert in place.  Here's another one......

Not fog but SMOKE, breathing hurts.  Oh, but here's my favorite picture.....

It reminds me of some of the rooms in my college dormitory back in the 70's.  Knock on the door, when it opened, that’s all you saw.....BIG TIME SMOKE.   The only things missing from the picture above are a black light, the poster of that sister with the big afro, fishnets hanging from the ceiling and Iron Butterfly's IN DA GADA VIDA blasting on the turntable.  Once, I not only knocked on that door, I entered the fog……….I disappeared for a week…….with no memory of anything.

Which brings to mind....how come these mega wildfires never engulf acres of marijuana? Once, while in the military, we stumbled across a huge patch of it during one of those field exercises.  Dudes were uprooting plants and stuffing em in their duffel bags figuring it be dry and ready by the time the field exercise was over.  So you know, it's growing wild somewhere.  Now, imagine all that smoke in the pictures above was a result of some weed wildfire.  Potheads would be homeless on purpose.  All they would want to do is just live outside and breathe and live outside and breathe. Everybody would have a contact (that’s being high as a result of secondary smoke).  All the snacks in Hampton Roads and northeast North Carolina would be SOLD OUT cause everybody got the munchies.  People would be driving around aimlessly because they can't remember where they're going.  Teachers would forgot to check homework, give the test that they promise a week ago, take attendance and attend those awful after school meetings.  Brown nosers would refrain from kissing the bosses butt and tell the boss to kiss their butts and they and the boss would then burst into laughter..... and keep on laughing............ for the rest of the day.  Bus drivers would drive their routes but forget to pick up and discharge passengers.  Admin workers would be at their desks marveling at the starfield screen saver on the computer while uttering mono syllabic phrases like  Ooooo, Ahhhh, woooowwwww.  And radio personalities like me, would get on the air and just ramble on and on and on about nothing.  Wait a minute……we do that NOW!!  Hmmmm, is there something burning in the swamp that they haven’t told us about?!?

Wow, things have been sooooo hectic!!  Busy, busy, busy…..between the radio station, the travel agency, the TV show (Grown Folks Dancing!) and still another business venture, sometimes I feel like I don’t have time to even sleep.  But I get my sleep, BELIEVE THAT!!  With all of that going on, who would have thought there would be time for an addition to the household.  But YEP, there sure is…… a 13 pound 3 ounce addition!  And she’s a little cutie!!  That’s right, she!   Wow, another female added to the Thomas household.   She’s been with us since April and I really thought she would alter our lifestyle drastically but actually……..no.  She sleeps all night long, not a peep out of her.  She will; however, awaken me about 8 or 9 in the morning but hey, that’s the time I usually awaken anyway……so, no big deal.  I do have to adjust to all the toys.  Toys everywhere….at least, that’s the way it seems.  The thing I wonder about is how long before she recognizes her name.  I say her name and she will just lie there, no reaction at all.  I mean, I know she can’t answer me but HEY, give me some kind of reaction.  Still she’s a God send!  Since she has been with us, I’ve lost 15 pounds.  That right….15 POUNDS and counting! Matter of fact, the wife is getting a little jealous of my weight loss.  I told her to start doing what I do……and she has.  That means the DOG gets a three mile walk during the morning and a three mile walk in the evening.  That’s right, the addition to the Thomas household is a Jack Russell Terrier……..that’s a dog folks.  We got her from the Norfolk SPCA.  We were looking for a puppy.  I wanted a Doberman or Rottweiler, something that’s  gonna earn its keep.   Pam wanted a Chihuahua or poodle, something small and cute.  Turns out, the Jack Russell is small and cute but thinks it’s a BIG DOG.  This animal will not back down from ANY other dog.  She walks up to Pit Bulls, Mastiffs, Rottweilers or Dobermans  like she’s saying, “What, What?!?  Don’t start none, won’t be none.”   You know how when we humans meet someone that we feel is crazy, so we just don’t bother them?  Well, that’s how these huge dogs act when Lady (that’s her name) comes around.  They look at her sideways and walk away growling to themselves.  Personally, I’m glad cause I’m hollering, “C’mon Lady, leave that dog alone, OH LORD, Please leave that dog alone.  The dog will eat you as an appetizer and me as the entrée.  OH PLEASE, come on back here…..before I have to leave you.”  Naw, not leaving my little Lady.  Seriously, if you’re looking for a good pet, I highly recommend the Norfolk SPCA.  Matter of fact, any SPCA is a good place to adopt a pet.  I’m partial to Norfolk because it’s a No Kill Humane Society and it’s where I found “Lady.”

A lot of things have transpired since my last blog and I thought I would share a few of them with you.  Where oh where do I start?  Well, a couple of weeks ago, I celebrated a birthday.   Usually, the only thing I want for my birthday is to have it acknowledged by my friends...... especially my female friends.  The guys get a pass because most of them can't remember their own mother's birthday more or less a partner's.  This year, however, Face Book friends got in on the wishes.  It was overwhelming and humbling.  I've NEVER received so many birthday wishes at one time.  Wishes came from all over the world!!!  Some people I've never met; yet, they took time out of their day to wish me a "Happy Birthday."  I felt it was incumbent upon me to take time out and thank each one of them individually and personally.....and I DID.......and it took A LONG TIME!!!   But it was worth it.  Just goes to show, you don't always need money to be rich.

A couple of weeks ago, I participated in the Career Fair at Huntington Middle School.  Originally, Huntington Middle School was Huntington High School.  The high school I attended and graduated from in......well, let's just say the group "The Temptations" still had all original members.  (Some of you are saying, "who are the Temptations?")  It was surreal to be in the same gym where I played as a member of the basketball team.   The same gym where I attended health class.  The same gym where Coach Meathead (a name of affection we gave to one of our coaches) told a student to get rid of the gum he was chewing.  The student said he would get rid of it by placing it on Coach's desk.  Coach replied "If you do, I'll use you to get the gum off."  The student called Coach's bluff,  took the gum out of his mouth and placed it dead smack in the middle of Coach's desk.  Coach jumped up, grabbed him by the neck (with two hands....one in front the other in the back), lifted him in the air and proceeded to wipe him across the desk.  The whole class erupted in laughter, including the student that was used as a dust rag.  Now days, a teacher will get a written reprimand for yelling at a student.  But I digress, the Career Fair went very well.  I spoke to individual groups about broadcasting and I had some music playing so quite naturally the kids migrated to my area.  At one time I had to turn the music off because a group of 7th grade girls insisted on singing along with "Tre Songz."  Call me old fashion but I couldn't handle hearing some 7th grade girls (12 year olds) singing about how it feels after a session of intense love making.  I switched to Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine."  They said that was old folks music and quickly disbanded.  I don't know what shocked me more......them singing about the after effects of intense lovemaking OR them calling Mary J. Blige "old folks music."

Last but not least, my little cousin Andre visited the wife and me.  He's put on some weight.  So I had him playing the Nintendo Wii Fitness game.  He's six years old and did a thirty minute workout on the Wii.  That thirty minutes included a 10 minute jog in place where he ran 1.97 miles.  I was impressed.  So impressed, he inspired me.  And since my clothes are shrinking, I told him that I too would complete a thirty minute workout including the jog........but not now.  I'll do it tomorrow (in private......wasn't gonna let him laugh at me).  That next day, I did some warm up exercises and started the workout.   I ran exactly two TENTHS of A MILE and fell on the floor wheezing and sucking air like I was a 3 pack a day smoker walking up five steps to get to the bathroom.  You laugh but I finally completed that 10 minute jog in place AND ran a total of 2.25 miles.  Course, I discovered that if you pump your arms, the Wii registers that you're running.  But don't tell Andre.  You see, wisdom triumphs youth every time.

A listener (Patty) sent me these pictures,  thought I'd share them.  Thanks for the laugh Patty.

I trust your holiday was great. I, personally, need a break and not just any break but a serious break. I wanted to just getaway and forget EVERYTHING. So I got outta "Dodge." Matter of fact, this is the way it looked when I left.......

But it wasn't long before my scenery changed to this........

and the journey begins........

Man, what a great vacation.....course when I got back to Hampton Roads.........

8 INCHES OF SNOW.......c'mon MAN!!

     Ladies, ever wonder what guys talk about at the barber shop?  Surprisingly, it’s not women……well not ALL the time.  A couple of weeks ago, this guy was telling a story about his cousin who wrestles alligators.  Seems he was wrestling one and the gator chomped down on his leg.  So they rushed him to the hospital and the doctors performed surgery.  When he awakened from the surgery, the doctor told him “I got good news and I got bad news.  The bad news is we had to amputate your leg but the good news is we saved your foot.”  Now we’re sitting there listening until it dawned on one of us…… How you gonna save the foot that’s attached to the amputated leg? Awwwww, we laughed & laughed & laughed!  And mostly, that's what men do at the barber shop.

     Monday night, I’m heading to work and my tank is on “E.”  So, I stopped to get some gas.  I figured $30 would be enough.  Man, it was COLD!!  It was so cold, I pumped $15 and got my butt back in the car and drove back home…… where I changed clothes.  Forget dressing smart casual, I dressed functionally warm.  Covered up that undershirt and boxer briefs with some lonnnnnnggggggg draws (uhh thermals for you poo- foo folks), replaced those thin pretty boy socks with some long cotton ones, changed those dress pants for some thick jeans, added a thermal shirt and chucked those gators for some "Tims."  Then donned a “Pittsburgh Steeler” skull hat, scarf and a leather jacket……and I was good to go.  When it’s COLD outside, dress warm, not cute.  Ya feel me baby? (I'm talking to my ALWAYS gotta dress cute, wife – “she be” cute BUT cold).  Won’t even wear a hat cuz she doesn’t wanna mess up her hair.  Child PLEASE!

     Now, I don’t consider myself a celebrity.  However, having been in broadcasting for over 30 years, I realize some people regard me as such.  I have no problem signing autographs, taking pictures or just shooting the breeze (am I showing my age with that saying) with anyone.  HOWEVER, brothers…… if you see me in the rest room and we’re both using the facilities, I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT gonna shake your hand NOR am I gonna give you dap.  I mean, c’mon man!  I’m in the rest room taking care of business, dude standing beside me says, “Yo Bob, you doing a good job emceeing the show and I listen to you all the time on the radio.  I just wanna shake your hand man.” And he reaches over and extends his hand.  I’m like….well, thanks, I appreciate it but my hands are kind of full right now.  He said, “I’ll wait.”  Huh?!  I said, well let me WASH my hands first (hint, hint).  He said, “Yeah go head man, I took a shower fo I came to the sho, so I’m good.”  Say WHAT?!?  I was so glad one of my co-workers came in & said they needed me on stage…….I hauled butt outta there.

Just a few observations......

What a week this has been!!  Wow!!  It started off pretty tame.  My wife and I have invested in a new television show and the debut was last Saturday and it went well.  A few bugs to work out but hey, all in all, I was quite pleased.  We went to church the following day and heard a dynamic speaker. He was funny and highly relatable. Matter of fact, he was so good, I had to see him after service and tell him how much I enjoyed the message. Now don't get me wrong, the regular pastor can "go" (that means he's good) but this guy was good in a different kind of way. I even hung around after church just to talk with people (something I don't do...especially during football season). Hey, I was inspired! Then came the middle of the week with all of that RAIN!!! Usually, rain doesn't bother me. I'm a veteran of the U.S. Army and one of the first things they taught me was that it doesn't rain in the Army..... it rains ON the Army. But that amount and intensity of rain was unbelievable. Can you say "Ark." But still, no big deal......until I discovered a leak in my bathroom. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate (do your business) when water is dripping on your head? I thought I was a prisoner at Abu Ghraib. Then on the way to the radio station, I was in an accident. My poor little truck was tore all to.....well, it was WRECKED! I couldn't believe it! Talk about being despondent and depressed (and still am to a certain degree). My knee was banged up a little but all I could think about was MY TRUCK! I got the wife to pick me up and on the way home, I picked up a bottle of wine. She laughed but personally, I didn' t see anything funny. I took four sips out of that bottle (I don't drink) and forgot all about any and everything. Next thing I knew, it was the next day. She laughed again and said, "You only had four sips." I guess she forgot the time that she smelled the contents of an empty wine bottle and was out for hours. But I digress, the accident made me reflect on the fraility of life. Things can be fine one minute and the next minute......you're gone. So take time to enjoy life. Live to the fullest! Appreciate those things that you have and don't worry about what you don't have. Help others whether someone helps you or not. LOVE OTHERS, regardless of race, creed, nationality, or social-economic status. To paraphase Michael, Make sure the man in the mirror is the man you want to be and then make this world a better place for you and for me.

Have you noticed at your local fast food establishment that soda cups have changed, small is medium, medium is large & large is “good grief, how much soda IS that?”

Have you noticed that there always seems to be a traffic jam where you’re headed but traffic going in the opposite direction is always flowing?

Have you noticed that when you pop into a grocery store for one item, no one is at the register but when you come back to pay for that item, all the lines are long?

Have you noticed that items in the dollar store cost more than a dollar?

Have you noticed that sometimes you know where you are but your GPS doesn’t?

Have you noticed that your GPS will take you the longest, most time consuming route to your destination?

Have you noticed the price of gas increases just before you get to the pump?

Have you noticed that when you buy cups from a store, large is now medium, medium is small and small won’t hold enough liquid for a baby gnat suffering from anorexia?

Have you noticed when you’re in a hurry, nobody else is?

Have you noticed when you get your car wash, it usually rains within two days?

Have you noticed when you have nothing to write about, you write about nothing?